Football

Germany 4 England 1

The dashed hopes of a nation are encapsulated in that line.

These hopes were ALWAYS going to be unrealised. We are, let's face it, shite at football.

The results speak volumes. USA 1-1 England, Algeria 0-0 England. We should have massacred both of these teams. With Bozo the Keeper and a toothless strikeforce the USA result is easily explained. Algeria? OMG. What a dull game. Duller than old lead.

Then - rejoice in the streets - we beat Slovenia 1-0. Slovenia? Those two million nice people just t'other side of Austria. Since when did Slovenia become a footballing nation that we were proud to beat? Again; we should have taken them apart.

So - second in the group behind USA - we limp to the second round.

Germany. The first decent team we've met after being in the easiest of groups.

0-1 (aargh) 0-2 (more aargh) 1-2 (oh. hope) 2-2 (rejoice!) 1-2 (again) 1-3 (gloom) 1-4 (despair)

I just hope the "Lampard-goal-that-wasn't" makes up a little bit for 1966.

It won't, I suspect.